Sunday, October 19, 2008

Just a yucky- blah day!

Did you ever feel so depressed and alone with nowhere to turn? That's exactly how I felt today! With no energy, tiredness and two screaming toddlers! It was just a horrible day. I spent most of the day crying, feeling like no one could understand just what I'm going through!

One reason that I started this blog was to share some of my artistic hobbies with others but more importantly to make friends through blogging so I can share my experiences with others.

About six months ago I developed severe pain in my knee. I went to the doctor and the chiropractor, but no one seemed to know what was wrong with me. This pain spread to my shoulders, my toes, and now to my fingers and hips. I have good days and bad days. Sometimes the pain lasts most of the day and sometimes it goes away in the morning. But the pain is primarily when I'm not moving- especially in the middle of the night. I'm lucky if I get even a good four hours of sleep a night. The lack of sleep makes me feel exhausted all day long and achy- like I have the flu...constantly!

I finally went to a specialist in Pittsburgh. They tested me for everything. He thinks it's Osteoarthritis. I had my first appointment a few weeks ago, and my next appointment in a couple of weeks. I'll know more about things when I go to my next appointment.

I know that I'm lucky because it could be a lot worse, but I can't help but to feel alone and depressed. I just turned thirty this year. When I've thought of arthritis in the past, I thought of elderly people- not someone young like me. And today, I made my first purchase of "Bengay!" Not something that I ever imagined buying or using at this age.

This chronic pain is a struggle for me. And to make matters worse it's hard to find someone who understands exactly how I feel. Arthritis doesn't run in my family, so they feel that I basically need to just deal with it. My family is not supportive at all! There are days when the pain is so bad that it's a struggle just to take care of myself, let alone a three year old and a 1 1/2 year old. There are days that I spend most of the day on the couch, and that is not the memory that I want my boys to have of their mom....someone who is cranky and lays around all day. It makes me feel like a failure as a mother, let alone the failure I feel as a wife! My household duties have been slacking, but sometimes the depression and pain is so bad that I don't accomplish anything!

I feel badly for my husband, who works 12 hours a day, because he comes home after working all day and has to do the dishes, laundry, and clean up the kid's mess. He's very supportive, but I know that it's stressful for him- especially since he's remodeling the house.

This whole ordeal even has me questioning my faith. I mean I have always had sympathy for others, sometimes even going out of my way to help those in need. And it's like why is this happening to me? I'm a good person...why am I being put through this?

I cry constantly. Even as I write this I'm crying. I'm extremely depressed. And what's even more depressing is that it's affecting my ability to create! I always enjoy painting, crocheting, quilting...just a ton of things. And now it's causing me pain to do the things that give me such joy! On Wednesdays I take a painting class, and a couple weeks ago I started getting pain in the joints of my fingers. It's just so depressing to me! I couldn't imagine living a life where I couldn't create some type of art!

But the reason that I'm sharing this is to hopefully make a connection with someone who could give me advice with how they handle a situation like mine. I would appreciate any advice anyone could give me to get me out of this foggy depression and on the right track.

And I want to appologize about my giveway. I'm making something by hand, and I wanted to post it yesterday but I've been having trouble completing it due to the pain. It's about 95% done and I hope to finish it tomorrow and post the details tomorrow evening here on my blog. It's really cute and hopefully worth the wait! So please bear with me.
Have a wonderful week!

Ruth Ann


Rambling Girl said...

I am so sorry your going through this Ruth Ann. I really can't give any advice on this situation. Maybe someone else will be able to shed some light. I wish there was something I could say or do to help you. I know when I have pain sometimes I use Flexall, to me it is better than Bengay. I know also Theragesic is recommended for things such as this. It seems like the doctor could give you some type of medicine for the pain. Have you asked for some kind of muscle relaxer. That may help with the pain some. I wish I could be of more help.

As far as the candy recipe I use the white almond put in a bowl and microwave a little and stir and put back careful cause it can burn easily if you nuke it to long. Then with the candy corn and crushed oreos, I drizzle it over and wait till it hardens and then break the pieces. It is the best and quickest thing to use when you want something fast. Let me know how you and your family like it. It is real easy to use pretty much any type of food...I use cereal also. Gosh I use a lot of different things. Just let me know I will be glad to help out in any thing.

echoeve said...

I know you do not know me. I stumbled onto your blog last week and thought it was really cute. You seem like a really great mom, and I think your son totally love the play doh.

I wish there was something I could say or do to help. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

We can only do the best we can do. Your children will understand. They will never have bad thoughts when remembering their childhood. Just hang in there until you can get some answers from the doctors.

I think we as women expect alot of ourselves and then when we don't live up to our own expectation we are our own worst enemies.

Betsy said...

Sure you can post my blog to your faves. I would be honored. I hope your day was better today. I promise you will not be given more than you can handle. hang in there.

Darlene said...

Awwwww I am so sorry you are going through this kind of pain. I can't imagine always being in pain. Is there any kind of non-narcotic pain medication that your Doctor could give you to help you with the pain?

All I can do is offer you ♥hugs♥ so lots of ♥hugs♥ for you. I do hope you come up with some kind of a pain solution.....more hugs ♥

fourlittleloves said...

Hi Ruth Ann!
I am so sorry you are dealing with this right now! Don't loose faith though!! That is what we all need more of especially in these hard times. Pray that the doctors will be able to find the problem and heal you! I will pray for you too! Im glad you stumbled upon my blog!! Of course you can link to it, I would LOVE that! I hope that you will be able to get through this tough time in your life! I am so glad you have a wonderful husband who is patient with you and the kids! That will help you sooo much! I am sure you are doing everything you can to make your children's lives great! You sound like a sweet person! Take care and I hope you start feeling better soon!

Ginger said...

Hi Ruth Ann:
I came over from ribbonwood cottage (Debbie).
I can feel your pain (literally) as I suffer from arthritis. At least I assume that's what it is. My body hurts all the time. I am twice your age though. I have pain pills to take when it gets real bad but I don't want to get addicted to them, so I don't take them too often. But my dr. told me to take Aleave...and it helps. Hopefully your dr. can tell you whats wrong and treat you for the pain. The depression can be treated too. It's easy to get depressed when you don't feel well.
Just don't give will get better. Hang in there!!!

bj said...

I, too, wish there was something I could say that would help you and make you feel better. I CAN pray for you and I surely will do this!
Just keep going to your doctor and tell him just how you feel...don't sugar-coat it,...tell him how bad it is and how you have to just lay around. Maybe he will give you something for the pain that will help.
So sorry i can't be of more help....
love, bj

Kim's Treasures said...

I'm so sorry to for what you are going through. I can relate! I have fibromyalgia which is very painful and effects joints and all soft tissue. I have had it for 19 years now. Right now you're sad and so was I. It just takes a while to adjust to a new way of living. You will come to accept it the best you can and to work around your good days and bad days. I know it's really hard with toddlers, mine came on when I had an 18 month old and 2 month old. I'm so glad to hear you also have a supportive hubby. Mine is great!

I hope your doctors can come up with a way to treat your pain!


JuJu and Family said...

Ruth Ann, I've seen your name on a few peoples website and I originally came here to see your blog and then enter your giveaway since it is so cute. But I've decided against it when I read this post. I can understand some of what you are going through. I'm almost thirty, my two children will be 2 and 4 in January, and I too have a mild form of arthritis. Mine began when I was 19 I had my first reconstructive knee surgery. I blew out my knee playing soccer in college. That doctor did it wrong, so it was redone 5 years later. And now, about 8 weeks ago I had orthoscopic to clean out some of the scar tissue in there. I never believed in predicting weather until I had my injury...I know when a storms a coming. It's frustrating when you don't feel good and you have little one's who depend entirely on you. I can tell you what I do... I try to focus on all of the positives in my life. I realized I was spending so much time being frustrated by my situation that I was missing those small, yet so important moments with my children and even husband. It's hard being mommy, wife, and so much more when you are in pain. Just keep moving, pushing, and being an advocate for your help. Do your best to stay positive because your kids feel it and they sure don't want you unhappy. I totally understand where you are coming from and I just realized this is a ridiculously long comment. Take care of yourself.

JuJu and Family said...

I meant an advocate for your health. Yes I can spell :-)

Kerri N said...

Hi! I just found your blog today! I am 39 and I have arthritis. It used to be so hard to get out of bed in the morning because I was in so much pain. My doctor prescribed me mobic. It has really helped. Your depression can be treated with antidepressants. I will keep your family in my prayers.

Victoria said...


I had 2 foot surgeries last year at the ripe old age of 30/31! My foot never did heal and I will always be in pain. I cry when I think about the fact that for the rest of my life I won't be able to hike, walk for exercise, shop for more than 1 hour or so without major pain.

It is very discouraging but like someone else said in the comments, you do get through this part and learn to accept it and do what you can do with what you've got.

You also might think about something to help with the depression short term. It is extremely depressing to be so young and be in a lot of pain but there are things that can help with that.

I wish you all the best girl!

just jane said...

Ruth Ann, I am waiting to hear what happens...but my guess is Lyme. I will read on to see if I am correct. You know I am talking about the pain, not the sadness. First tissue...already soaked!!!